For Your Information. . . The following computer viruses have been identified, but cannot be detected by any of the current virus scan programs. BEWARE! Watch for these symptoms... BOBBIT VIRUS Removes a vital part of you hard disk then re- attaches it. (But that part will never work again.) OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 250MB. AT&T VIRUS Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI VIRUS Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T Virus. PAUL REVERE VIRUS This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack . . . Once if by LAN, Twice if by C:. POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. ROSS PEROT VIRUS Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits. MARIO CUOMO VIRUS It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. TED TURNER VIRUS Colorizes you monochrome monitor (poorly). ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGER VIRUS Terminates and stays resident with message "I'll be back." DAN QUAYLE VIRUS Prevents your system from spawning any child process without first joining into a binary network. DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2 Their is sumthing rong wit you're kumputer, butt ewe jut kant figyour out watt! GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS Nothing works, but all you diagnostic software says everything is fine. GALLUP VIRUS Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (Plus or minus 3.5 percent margin of error.) TERRY PANDLE VIRUS Prints "O' no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message. TEXAS VIRUS Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file on your hard disk. ADAM AND EVE VIRUS Takes a couple of bytes out or you Apple. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS The computer locks up, the screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. AIRLINE VIRUS You arrive and hour late only to find you data is in Singapore. FREUDIAN VIRUS Your computer becomes obsessed with having cybersex with its own motherboard. PBS VIRUS Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. ELVIS VIRUS Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. OLLIE NORTH VIRUS Causes your printer to shred everything. NIKE VIRUS Just does it. SEARS VIRUS Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks. JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS Your files disappear and can never be found again. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2 Runs every program no the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow user to accomplish anything. KEVORKIAN VIRUS Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy. IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy. STAR TREK VIRUS Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before. HEALTH CARE VIRUS Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.00. GEORGE BUSH VIRUS It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs... No new files!" on the screen. It then proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, and blames it on the Congressional Virus. CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS Makes your Pentium machine perform like a 8mhz 286. LAPD VIRUS It claims if feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense." CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS Your PC makes frequent, stupid mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it. ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back. We are making every attempt to keep this list up-to- date. If you have additions, please call "The Holistic BBS" at 714-995-3790 to report them. Once verified, they will be included in future releases of this document. Mark - SysOp The Holistic BBS (Based on the Premise of Schrodinger's Cat) Cypress, CA 714-995-3790 HST/Dual ÚÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ The Holistic BBS (714-995-3970 HST/Dual) ³ ³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³ Based on the Premise of Schroedinger's Cat ³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ Mark McCarthy - SysOp ³ ÃÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄ´ ³ Guide Rating: Mostly Harmless ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³ Towel Required ³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³ ³ Fish Optional ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ILink, RIME *HUB*, Annex, . . . Networks ³ ³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³ Immediate Call Back Verification ³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ FREE Access to all features (NO $$ REQUIRED) ³ ÃÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄÂÄ´ ³Uncertainty Principle, Quantum Machanics, Complexity, ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³Chaos theories. . . The experts all agree, eventually ³ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ³ ³everybody will call The Holistic BBS. DON'T BE LAST! ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÃÄ´ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÁÄÙ A unique experience in this or any other universe. S. Hawkings