W e M a g a z i n e I s s u e 1 7 , V o l u m e 1 E d i t o r s Santa Cruz: Stephen Cope, James Garrison Bay Area: Angela Coon, Eric Curkendall New York City: Jay Curkendall, Roddy Potter Albany: Chris Funkhouser, Belle Gironda, Ben Henry, Katie Yates ()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))( THE POETRY HOLE People have poem holes in the tops of their heads. This comes as a surprise to many people. If you close your mouth and hold your nostrils, and blow, you will feel the pressure against the tops of your heads. In this way people are like whales. Some times small sounds are emitted from these holes. In most people, it is whimpering and sniddering--sounds that one would dare make only when alone and perhaps not even then; disturbing sounds, not representations but the sounds of the emotions themselves--the sound of loneliness, the sound of the fear of death, the sound of horniness.... The hole may also emit sounds when one is with a rambunctious crowd of happy people having fun, but they are quiet sounds and hard to hear. Poets cultivate this pressure until the thin membrane covering the poem hole ruptures and begins to emit the high whining shounds of the self. These are poems. These learn to modulate the sounds, so they do close order drills, in perfect step, like a marching band or a troop of tap dancers. Most people go to some lengths not to hear them: watch television, listen to loud music. Above all they interpret the sounds. If the poet writes I am happy happy happy, we know this is not true, and we have developed a large, well-paid class of professional critics whose task is to interpret the poets' writings,so we will know that the letters in "happy, happy, happy" must be rearrange as ppphay, pppyahyah, ppphay, pppyahyah--the saddest and most sniddering syllables in the language. Two parties have developed around this discovery: one believes that people have always had poetry holes; the other believes that they developed recently in human history, perhaps as recently as the 17th century. I am inclined to think it has always been there. The report of poetry is consistent: people are miserable, their girl friends or boy friends are mean to them, they no sooner learn how to get along in life than they start becoming ugly and tired, then they die. It is now known that the poetry hole can be closed with a simple surgical procedure. It has proven effective and permanent; it is highly recommended. Don Byrd <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><><><><> Please reproduce this document across cyberspace as you see fit. We look forward to receiving comments, questions, complaints or poetry from anyone. Please inform the editors c/o cf2785@albnyvms.bitnet We Press Postoffice Box 1503 Santa Cruz, California 95061