============================================================ The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR") Issue Number 1993-02 December, 1993 ISSN 1072-7159 Key words:science humor,irreproducible results,Ig Nobel ------------------------------------------------------------ The Official Electronic mini-Organ of the Society for Basic Irreproducible Research ------------------------------------------------------------ Produced jointly by The Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR) and The MIT Museum ============================================================ ----------------------------- 1993-02-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1993-02-01 Table of Contents 1993-02-02 Purpose of the mini-Journal (*) 1993-02-03 Abstracts from JIR, vol. 38, no. 6, Nov/Dec 93 1993-02-04 Testifying to Congress: Our New Service 1993-02-05 JIR Recommends 1993-02-06 Warning: mini-JIR and the Expanding Universe 1993-02-07 Upcoming Events at the MIT Museum and Elsewhere 1993-02-08 Calls for Papers and Nominations 1993-02-09 How to Submit Articles to JIR (*) 1993-02-10 How to Subscribe (*) 1993-02-11 Copyright Notice (*) 1993-02-12 Irreproducible Section (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. --------------------------------------- 1993-02-02 Purpose of the mini-Journal (*) The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results publishes news about overly stimulating research and ideas. Specifically: A) Haphazardly selected superficial (but advanced!) extracts of research news and satire from the Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR). B) News about the annual Ig Nobel Prize ceremony. Ig Nobel Prizes honor "achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced." A public ceremony is held at MIT, in Cambridge Massachusetts, every autumn. The ceremony is sponsored jointly by JIR and by the MIT Museum. C) News about other science humor activities conducted by the MIT Museum and JIR. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1993-02-03 Abstracts from JIR, vol. 38, no. 6, Nov/Dec 93 This section contains abstracts of articles that appear in volume 39, number 6 (the November/December 1993 issue) of The Journal of Irreproducible Results (JIR). [PLEASE NOTE: JIR 38:6 is a special theme issue on the subject of "Politically Incorrect Science."] | FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid | | photographs) OF THESE ARTICLES | | SEE THE CURRENT ISSUE OF JIR. | "The Saluting Fetus," by Carol B. Benson, M.D., and Peter M. Doubilet. A sonogram depicts a human fetus in the saluting position. "The Mappeltree Soviet Science/Art Controversy," by Bruce Gellerman. A U.S. Senator is attempting to ban the showing of allegedly "obscene" photomicrographs collected by NIH archivist Roger Mappeltree. The issue is complex; the works were purchased from agencies of the former Soviet Union under a funding program that the Senator himself sponsored. "The Politically Correct Periodic Table of the Elements," by Robert Rose. The author has revised the periodic table of the elements, eliminating all sources of toxicity, pollution and radiation, all isotopes and artificial elements, all sources of greenhouse gases, and all causes of hypertension. "The Guide to Politically Correct Cardiology," by Thomas Michel. The nomenclature of specific diagnoses may profoundly affect a patient's well-being, self-image, and time to full recovery. For example, a diagnosis of heart failure is belittling, in that it says to the patient, "your heart has failed." This guide provides more correct terminology. "Virtual Academia -- Year 1 Report," by Anne Pamsum Hufnagle-Chang and Viktor Asa Gupta-Duffy. The authors report on the first year of a 16-universitiy virtual reality project designed to replace many costly aspects of today's universities. In these universities, students, professors, classrooms, offices, and dormitory facilites exist only as computer-based concepts. "An Empirical Investigation of Multicultural Diversity," by Bruce McAfee. Two radically different approaches to promoting multicultural diversity were studied. One university conducted an extensive, expensive program of courses, internships, workshops, etc. The other used a "smoke and mirrors" approach. Both systems were found to be effective. "Research Funding: New Art," by Stanley Rudin. A photograph depicts a newly discovered artwork (Greco- Hebrew, 5th century Athens, 2nd millenium Los Angeles) portraying scientists in pursuit of funding for a study of wealthy mice while an ethics committee and the Owl of Athena look on. "The Pet Silicone Implant," by John E. Christ. The author reports on his campaign to enlist a medical journal's aid in promoting a new use for existing inventories of now-defunct manfacturers of silicone breast implants. "A Call for Scientific Correction," by Gordon Videen. Scientists can an must reap the rewards of Revisionist Science. Electrons are not negative, the earth's magnetic poles are mislabeled, astronomy uses demeaning terminology, all animals in their natural state are vegetarians, etc. "Further Alternatives to Live Animals in Teaching Surgery," by Douglas Lindsey. Several inanimate materials proved superior for teaching surgery: 1) fresh, edible pig feet; 2) plastic soda straws (unpeeled) for vein dissection; 3) skinned hog necks and synthetic chamois for cricothyrotomy; fig tree limbs for intraosseous infusion in small children. "Guidelines for Equivocation in EEG Reports," By Robert. S. Hoffman. The interpretation of electroencephalograms (EEGs) is necessarily imprecise, offering a pleasing intellectual challenge to neurologists who engage in the activity. Other physicians who must use the reports are not pleased. This guide helps to bridge the gap in temperament. "Technology Update: The Metor Shower," by Stephen Drew. A new device is expected to give astronomers the first clear photographs of meteors. It locates approaching meteorites, washes them with what is in essence a spray of soapy water, then photographs them in the moments before they enter the upper atmosphere. Interview with Nobel Chemistry Laureate (1976) William Lipscomb. Lipscomb discovered much of what we know about the structure and bonding of boron compounds and of the general nature of chemical bonding. In this interview, he explains his controversial views about perfume and aftershave lotions, offers advice for young people who are entering the field, and suggests a candidate for the Ig Nobel Prize. "How to Testify to Congress," by Shelby Miller. Spurred by the firing of Will Happer as director of the U.S. Department of Energy's chief research scientist, JIR presents a new service: a database of currently acceptable observations, theories, ideas and methods. Experts from this field can be rented for appearances before Congress. [PLEASE NOTE: An excerpt from this article appears in section 1993-02-04 of this issue of mini-JIR.] "Elegant Results" (regular column) by Alice Shirell Kaswell. Styles, trends, and tidbits, culled from leading research journals. In this issue: findings from the research journals "Fighting Knives," and "Milk Cover Collector." "Scientific Gossip" (regular column) by Stephen Drew. Contains 100% gossip from concentrate. In this issue: Killer Colognes; Stylish Processing; Virtual Population Growth; Preferred Lighting; Intergalactic Deficit Reduction; A Threat from the Middle; A Threat from the Middle; Virtual Population Growth. | FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid | | photographs) OF THESE ARTICLES | | SEE THE CURRENT ISSUE OF JIR. | ---------------------------------------------- 1993-02-04 Testifying to Congress: Our New Service The Society for Basic Irreproducible Research (SBIR) is offering a new service to its members. For a small annual fee, we provide experts to accompany you when you testify before government agencies. These experts are well-versed in government policies, procedures and rituals. Each is fully qualified for the work Each has attended law school, worked on a political campaign, and been a sports journalist. Three of our experts have taken a college science course. All are conversant with episodes of the first Star Trek television series. The service has a second part. Since 1955, SBIR has maintained a database containing currently acceptable observations, theories, ideas and even methods. The database can now be accessed, via E-Mail or CD-ROM, for a modest monthly charge. JIR subscribers receive a 3% discount. The database contains acceptability criteria for more than 126 countries (including Latvia) across the entire range of current scientific fields. Interdiscipinary issues may incur a surcharge. JIR subscribers receive a 3% discount. The service is called Politically Acceptable Science Service (PASS). Further news about it will be reported in this space in a future issue. -------------------------- 1993-02-05 Warning: mini-JIR and the Expanding Universe A report prepared by: Ross Lazarus MB,BS MMed MPH GDipCompSci FRACGP FAFPHM, Head, Epidemiology & Biostatistics Unit, Department of Community Medicine, Westmead Hospital, Westmead, NSW 2145, Australia. e-mail: rossl@gmu.wh.su.edu.au and Leonard X. Finegold, Department of Physics, Drexel University, Philadelphia PA 19104 U.S.A. e-mail: LXF@coasmail.physics.drexel.edu This journal may constitute a serious hazard to the Internet. Within a few hours of the announcement of its existence, and before the first issue was sent over the network, the rate of arrival of new subscription requests climbed exponentially. At the end of the data sampling period, the growth remained exponential. See figure 1 below. Simple extrapolation shows that if this trend continues, every human being on the planet will have subscribed at least 2.72 times within the first two weeks. This behavior, exhibited by such a large number of people, presents unique research opportunities in several of the social sciences. More detailed analysis of the subscription rates will appear in the next edition if the Internet survives.* (* And if the editor accepts the authors' next paper.) N | u | m 1000 + b | e | * r | 750 + o | f | | * S 500 + u | b | s | c 250 + * r | i | b | * e 0 + r | s --+-----------+-----------+-----------+-----------+-- 2 3 4 5 6 Hours since Announcement Figure 1 Explosive growth of Subscribers to mini-JIR Within the first few hours of the Announcement (10am EST, Wednesday November 10, 1993). -------------------------- 1993-02-06 JIR Recommends Research reports that merit a trip to the library: "Reflex Epilepsy Induced by Calculation Using a 'Soroban,' a Japanese Traditional Calculator," by Junji Yamamoto, Isao Egawa, Shinobu Yamamoto, and Akira Shimizu, "Epilepsia," vol. 32, 1991, pp. 39-43. (Thanks to Ruth Parrish for bringing this to our attention.) "Human Saliva as a Cleaning Agent for Dirty Surfaces," by Paula M. S. Romao, et al, "Studies in Conservation," vol. 35, 1990, pp. 153-155. (Thanks to Sue Schur for bringing this to our attention.) ----------------------------------------------------------- 1993-02-07 Upcoming Events at the MIT Museum and Elsewhere ::::: Calling All Instigators! ::::: Be a host/instigator for an Irreproducible Science Event (JIR readings/slide show/seminars, etc.) for your city, university, hospital, research center, etc. The publisher of the new JIR book (see section 1993-02-08 below) is organizing a JIR readings/research/slide show tour of North American. The tour will happen approximately during March and April. ASAP, please contact: Lisa Bernstein (dubno@nysernet.ORG) Workman Publishing, 708 Broadway, New York, NY 10013 (212) 614-7505 FAX:(212) 254-8098 JIR authors who wish to take part please contact the editor (jir@mit.edu) as soon as possible. ::::: Irreproducible Evening ::::: Wednesday, January 12, 1994, 7-9 pm., JIR Readings and slide show, at The Bookcellar Cafe, 1971 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA, (617) 864-9625. JIR authors who wish to take part please contact the editor (jir@mit.edu) as soon as possible. ::::: "Crazy After Calculus" ::::: An ongoing exhibition of extraordinary humor at MIT from prehistoric times through the present day. The MIT Museum (ktl@mitvma.mit.edu) 265 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA 02139 USA (617) 253-4422 ::::: 1994 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony ::::: Thursday evening, October 6, 1994 at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts. You are cordially invited to attend. ------------------------------------------ 1993-02-08 Calls for Papers and Nominations CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "Odd Numbers." Please enclose photomicrographs. CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic: "The Effects of Punctuated Evolution on the Eardrum." Please submit research results only, not speculative essays. CALL FOR ESSAYS for JIR's "Worst Science Teacher Competition." Essays must be 300 words or less, explaining how and why, despite the competition, your nominee is the world's worst science teacher. Please enclose any photographs, diagrams, or other evidence that might bolster your case. All entries become the property of JIR. The winning essayist and the worst teacher will both be invited to attend the 1994 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony at their own expense. [A stilted note for incurably serious readers: the underlying purpose of this competition is to publicize the importance of GOOD science teachers!] CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the Ig Nobel Prize. The Prize is given for achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced. ---------------------------------------- 1993-02-09 How to Submit Articles to JIR (*) Since 1955, The Journal of Irreproducible Results has been the publication of record for overly stimulating research and ideas. JIR publishes original articles, news of particularly egregious scientific results, and short notices of satiric and humorous intent. The editors look forward to receiving your manuscripts, photographs, X-rays, drawings, etc. Please do not send biological samples. The entire manuscript should be typed double-spaced on standard white bond paper, with generous margins all around, and submitted with a photocopy. Because of the volume of submissions, we are unable to acknowledge receipt of manuscripts unless they are accompanied by a SELF-ADDRESSED, ADEQUATELY STAMPED ENVELOPE. Before you submit an article to The Journal of Irreproducible Results, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE skim through a recent issue to see the typical length and format of JIR articles. At the same time, please read the "Information for Contributors" notice in any issue of JIR. Articles may be submitted to: Marc Abrahams, editor The Journal of Irreproducible Results c/o Wisdom Simulators P.O. Box 380853 Cambridge, MA 02238 USA Telephone number for editorial matters: (617) 491-4437 A list of arbitrary suggestions for authors can be obtained by sending a SELF-ADDRESSED, ADEQUATELY STAMPED ENVELOPE to the same address. E-mail address for editorial questions: jir@mit.edu --------------------------- 1993-02-10 How to Subscribe (*) mini-JIR The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results is an electronic publication, available over the Internet, free of charge. It is distributed as a LISTSERV application. We expect to publish 6-12 issues per year. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to either one of these addresses: LISTSERV@MITVMA.MIT.EDU or LISTSERV@MITVMA The body of your message should contain ONLY the words "SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR" followed by your name. Here are two examples: SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Irene Curie Joliet SUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR Nicholas Lobachevsky To stop subscribing, send an unsubscribe message to the same address. Here are two examples: UNSUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR UNSUBSCRIBE MINI-JIR If you have questions about how to subscribe, or if you would like to re-distribute mini-JIR, please send e-mail to: mgeller@mit.edu Back issues of mini-JIR will be available via LISTSERV and on various gophers. [PLEASE NOTE: if you are regularly posting mini-JIR on your gopher or mailing list, please drop an e-mail note to mgeller@mit.edu so that we can compile a complete resource list -- thanks!] | FOR FULL TEXT (including lurid photographs) | | OF THE ARTICLES ABSTRACTED IN MINI-JIR | | SEE THE CURRENT ISSUE OF JIR. | JIR The Journal of Irreproducible Results is a print publication published six times per year. JIR is written by scientists from around the world, and read by subscribers in 41 countries. To subscribe, send payment to: By phone: (800) 759-6102 or (617) 876-7000 By FAX: (617) 876-7022 (include credit card number) By mail: The Journal of Irreproducible Results c/o Wisdom Simulators, P.O. Box 380853 Cambridge, MA 02238 USA ___________Rates for a year's subscription __________ U.S. ____________ individuals $21 _____ libraries $40 Canada, Mexico __ individuals $27.50 __ libraries $46 Elsewhere _______ individuals $43 _____ libraries $62 ________Please call for multiple gift rates __________ A new collection of outstanding JIR research has just been published in book form: "Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and further improbabilities)," Marc Abrahams, editor, Workman Publishing, New York, 1993. Previous collections are available in many libraries: A) "The Best of the Journal of Irreproducible Results," George H. Scherr, editor, Workman Publishing, New York, 1983. B) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente," George H. Scherr, editor, Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1986 C) "Journal der Unwiederholbaren Experimente II," George H. Scherr, editor, Kruger Verlag, Frankfurt, 1989 --------------------------- 1993-02-11 Copyright Notice (*) Please forward this document to anyone who might be interested. The only limitations are: A) You must copy this document IN ITS ENTIRETY, WITHOUT MODIFICATIONS. You do NOT have permission to change the contents or to make extracts. B) You do NOT have permission to copy this document for commercial purposes. The contents of this document are copyright (c) 1993 by the Journal of Irreproducible Results. ------------------------------------------------------- The mini-Journal of Irreproducible Results ("mini-JIR") Editor: Marc Abrahams (jir@mit.edu) Technical Brains: Marilyn Geller (mgeller@mit.edu) -------------------------------------------------------