°°°± °°°± °± °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°± °°± °± °°± °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°± °°± °°°± °°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°± °°°°°°°°± °± °°± °°°± °°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°± °°± °°°± °°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °± °°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°± °°°°°°± [MiLK] °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°± °°°°°± BiG Issue °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °± °± °°°°°°± Four °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°± °°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°± °°°°°°°± °°°± °°°± °°± °°± °°°± °°°± °°°± °°°± °°°± °°°± °± °± °°± Ä ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Ä Contents of [MiLK] Issue 4: "BlowJobs".................................................Winter Solstice "The Hand on the Home Shopping Club".......................King Krazy "The Best of Obloid1sm"................................................... - "Ingestible Dog".................................Oregano - "The Prose of The Modern Mariner"................Nyarlathotep - "The Appendix to the Field Guide of Lampreys"....Nyarlathotep - "Thoughts About Society, Part I".................Itchi-Koo - "Behind the Scenes: Nyarlathotep"................Nyarlathotep "Ballsack.."...............................................King Krazy "Flight of the Cartlifter".................................James Hetfield Ä ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Ä BlowJobs by Winter Solstice I am very confused as to the meaning of the word "Blowjob". Even as a young child the word confused me quite a bit. I ponder for hours and hours everynight thinking about the word and I still cannot see how the sucking of the penis can be related to blowing. If you actually blew into the penis wouldn't some sort of harm be done to the penis since air would travel into the hole causing extreme pain or even permenent damage to the urethra leading to trouble urinating. So one day I decided to really figure out what the blowjob was. I traveled to a bad neighborhood about 4-5 miles from my house and wondered a bit untill I came across a few hookers and decided to ask them. I walk up to one of the hookers and she has sores all about her mouth and looks as if she hasn't had a bathing for weeks ( and smells that way as well ), and I ask her what she considers a Blowjob to be. She only replies with a, " If you have 20 bucks I'll give ya the best one you've ever had". I ask louder this time, " WHAT do you consider a Blowjob to be!" She replies, "Get the fuck away from me, I don't get paid to answer your questions." I move on to the next hooker. She is much better looking and much better smelling, so I smile and act nice to her. I ask her the same question She smiles and replies, " I can show ya hon for 15 bucks, and I am a nice clean girl not like little miss herpes over there." I diddn't want to displease her because of her prettiness and all so I hand her the money and we go into the alley. She begins her work. "NO!" I scream, " I WANT A REAL BLOWJOB! I WANT YOU TO BLOW INTO IT UNTILL MY BLADDER EXPLODES AND I DIE!!". Suddenly I hear a voice of an angry man saying, " Is that guy wasting your time??!!??!". She answers," yea get this nut away from me Jocko!". I feel a fist smashing into the back of my head and I fall to the ground, pants still around my ankles. I look up and I see a big massive hulk of a man with a big panama hat and a four-fingered ring that reads,"Jocko" on it. I pull my pants up mumbling,"oh shit". He grasps me by the shirt and picks me up off the ground smiling and he punches me in the face so hard I think my teeth are breaking through the back off my head. Jocko smashes me against the wall a couple of times and and me back to the ground. Through blurred vision I see him and the hooker walking away laughing counting my money. I regain myself and travel back home to wash out my wounds. I reach home feeling half dead and still confused. I take a shower and lay in bed unable to clear my mind. That whole ordeal was just a waste of time. But wait, there was one more hooker there. THERE IS STILL A CHANCE ! Hopefully by next weekend Jocko will be cooled off and I can go visit his other girl and ask her, SHE MAY BE THE ONE WHO KNOWS THE REAL MEANING! I finally fall asleep knowing there is a chance in hell that I can figure out what a blowjob is. Ä ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Ä > The Hand On The Home Shopping Club _ | | | | | | _ Who the fuck owns that hand......... | || | Who the fuck cares about that hand.. |_) (_| | || | Who cares about that fucking hand... _. | ._ I fucking care about that damn hand. \_/ This text file contains all the info you ever wanted to know about the person who owns that damn hand that models rings and other accessories. This text file does a deep study into the sub-mind. I care about that hand and that is why I bring you this great file about it. At 3:00 in the morin' I was sitting watching the Home Shopping Club and I say to myself this would make a good text file. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- That lamer that shows off thier hand must be retarted or they are the smartest people to walk the planet. I look at it boths ways. See either that person has to be the most retarded person and mot ugly or they are some stupid jackass getting paid $18.89 an hour and is sitting back thinking but we don't. We fucking hate that hand and all its properties. So those people should buy half a monkey brain and get off thier high horse and start to see the world in its entirity. Do you know what those people think while they have thier hand advertised over the fucking televison. They are saying to themselves I think they should show more of the person than just thier hand. so what I did for all you readers is I went to the Home Shopping Club and am going to tell you the most grusome thing anyone could learn. What those assholes look like. I walk in and the first person I see is that fucking dumb asshole security gaurd telling me that Fine I will fing ANTOHER way to get in. I go back 2 days later after ripping off a liquor store I pay the gaurd off. He lets me in. What I saw was the most hidious thing anyone could ever see. That damn lamer polishing her finger nails getting ready for a ring that she is going to show offin a few minutes. I walk up to the person gracfully but casually and say, "who the Fuck do you think YOU are?" I could tell she was greatly offended by my remark. She slaps me and says, "Who the fuck are you?" I say, "I am man on a quest for the most shitty woman and I think I have found her." I am escorted out and told never to return for I may be prosocuted by a grand jury for trespassing. Anyway I have just told you about what those people over their are doing to small children, wait no, I am just telling you what they do to people who are just trying to get a story. Well the moral of the story is. Don't stay up late at night and watch Home Shopping Club or it will fry your brain. please forgive me for my fucking vulgarity, King Krazy Hope you like my testicles. Ä ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Ä Obloid1sm Files The Text file group I used to run before this one (I don't know WHY I am admitting this...) was called Obloid1sm. Of the little amount of crap that was put out during this time, there were a few (a very FEW) good tfiles that are worth showing again, considering I don't want ANYONE to ever view a Obloid1sm file ever again... notice how none of these are mine? Kinda tells you who made that Tfile group crap... yes, me. :) Here are 5 of the Best files from Obloid1sm. I included these because these are the ones that the most people probably would want to read. OoOoOo. . . o . Ingestible Dog {by Oregano} First of all relax. There is nothing to fear, the Ingestible dog is 100% safe and comes strongly recommended by the American Medical Association. Please read through the entire instructions before using this product. Before you sits the Ingestible Dog, safely sealed in his 3 inch high plastic container. Take the cover off the package carefully, you don't want your ingestible dog to run off. Might we suggest putting the container in a large empty pot before opening to give the dog room to run before ingestion. Once you're ready, pick up the dog by the back side, just above the back legs, you should be able to do this with one hand, and steady the dog with your other hand. Gently ease the dog into your mouth, be sure the dog goes head first else he might strut right back out. Tilt your head back, let go and the dog will run inside and down your throat. You may feel a gagging reflex, if this happens, simply relax and it will soon pass as the Ingestible Dog runs gleefully down your esophagus and towards your stomach. That's all you have to do, and the dog takes over from there. Once in your stomach the Ingestible Dog will lick away at any troublesome spots, curing those ulcers before they have a chance to form. From there the dog will enter your colon and intestines pushing out any matter that has lodged itself in there, plus the Ingestible Dog will lick the walls of your colon and intestines leaving them as clean as the day you were born. Finally the dog will emerge from your rectum during a normal stool. All you have to do is fish the swimming dog out of your toilet, wash him off, and then put him back in his container ready to use again. OoOoOo. . . o The Prose of the Modern Mariner . {By Nyarlathotep} The sun rises over the horizon, a golden disk in the lightening sky. The fisherman is prepared for his greatest catch of all time. Everything is perfect- the weather, the time of day, the month, and even the position of the stars. It all boils down to this- today the one that got away, won't escape. Either that or the the fisherman will hang up his rod and reel and put away his tacklebox forever. He takes special care to stop the boat's engine three miles away from his chosen sight. He stops rowing one mile away, and relies on the current, which he had precisely calculated, to move him that last mile. Half an hour later he reaches his chosen spot. He has spent months studying the topography of the lake in order to chose this spot. It is by far the best spot for fishing in the lake. After he arrives he sits back and relaxes. He has fifteen minutes; it is not yet time to cast. While waiting he double checks his gear. The rod is of graphite, incredibly strong, but also light. His reel is the best on the market, guaranteed to neither jam nor break for 30 years. His line is the strongest of its diameter available. It is colored to seem invisible to the fish, a bluish green. And his lure. His lure is his own design. He delved into many books from many ages in order to come upon this perfect design. This lure is so tempting that a fish cannot pass it up, and once but, the placement of the hooks ensures a snag. The size of the lure ensures a giant catch. No normal fish would even dream of biting this lure, although it would wish it could. A fish will bite, and it will be a great one. The time has come to cast. The fisherman, in his study of the lake, had come across a small fault line. He knows that it will slightly shift in 15 seconds, and will mask the sound of the line moving through the water. He casts. Now he must wait. While he waits he contemplates his preparation for this event. For 30 years he hasn't fished, for he was not ready to. He spent that time preparing. His colleagues at work, who never see him elsewhere, know there is some great force driving his life, but they have never figured out its nature. The fisherman spends all his free time advancing his cause. His paycheck goes to researchin new equipment, and travels to exotic places to witness master fishermen performing their art. He hopes he has prepared enough, for there is no turning back now. He sees his bobber move. It has bitten, and hence been snagged! He works the reel smoothly and carefully, as he has nothing but time. The fish fights, but he has prepared for that. At night, before sleeping, he would exercise vigorously, in preparation for the encounter. He is lean, but he is strong. The importance of this catch does nothing but add to his strength. The fish cannot win, eventually it will be brought up. The struggle lasts for forty-four minutes, and finally he gets sight of the catch. It is bigger then he ever imagined. He has succeeded today. He locks down the rod and get the net to pull the fish in the boat. He nets the fish, and it is heavier then he thought, the nets pole all but breaking as he strains to haul it in the boat. He plops it down, and as the fish flops and struggles, he removes the net. Only now does he realize it. A lamprey has attacked his fish! It is still attached, and bloated from all the blood. His catch is ruined! He has failed! In rage he rips the lamprey free of the fish, and with all his might twists off its head. He then hurls the still twitching carcass into the water. He inspects the monstrous fish and sees that it is completely drained. It is worthless, as he suspected. All his work is for naught. He is ruined, his fishing days are done, and the only joy in his life is gone. In all of his calculations and studies he never figured on an infernal lamprey attacking his catch. Maybe he should have planned for them he thinks. But, alas, he knows it is too late, and he shall never fish again. Suddenly he hears a sound hes has never heard before. A sound such as water being sucked into a vacuum, but very loud and very high pitched. He turns and sees a whirlpool forming beside the boat. He fears he shall be sucked into the maelstrom and be pulled down to a watery demise. As his boat is pulled in, the swirling suddenly stops. Everything is as calm as it could possibly be. With a humongous splash a giant head erupts from the water. The mouth of the head is a round hole, with teeth around it in circular rows. It is a lamprey, a fifty foot long one, at least. The lamprey turns to regard the fisherman. Only then does the fisherman realize his mistake. He had read an ancient legend of the Guardian of the Lake, a giant worm that sucks the life out of its victims. The Guardian's children live a protected life in the lake, prosperous from the fact that any harm to them will be avenged by their father. The fisherman dismissed this as foolish myth. Unfortunately for him it turns out to be fact. The lamprey let out a hiss, and from its giant mouth emerges it's rasping tongue, pointed like a spear. The tongue lances out and spears the fisherman. His last though is regret for killing the lamprey. His pierced body is drawn to the mouth of the Guardian, and he is quickly sucked dry. The giant lamprey submerges and returns to his den beneath the bottom of the lake. OoOoOo. . . o The Fieldguide To Lampreys . Appendix I {By Nyarlathotep} Since the first edition of the Fieldguide was type up, several more variants of Lamprey have come to my knowledge. Also I have learned additional facts about the abhorrent creatutes, that might interest the hunter, scientiest, or hater. Additionaly I am gonna talk a bit about the taxinomy of lampreys Well to start out with I think I will describe my methods of discovering my information on the creatures. My main source is fellow BBS'ers whose leads cause me to investigate and discover more about the fiends. For instance Oregano lead me on to the Crystal Pepsi thing. After getting this lead, then either I myself, or one of the highly skillled, handpicked researchers at the Institute of Cultural Diffusion, Cosmetics and Lampreyology personally research the new information. I assure you that all information presented is true, accurate, and important to the survival of us all. One of the most interesting facts to surface since the original guide was the discoverance of the origin of crystal pepsi. It is lamprey urine... and You all though spam was bad stuff! NEW DISCOVERIS AND VARIATIONS Flying Pink Lamprey- I have yet to witness one of these, but someone on some chatboard (I forgot who it was!) swears she has seen them (but she mentioned that certain substances may have influenced it). They are basically pink colored lampreys, similiar to the normal variety, that fly. There method of levitation is unknown, but may be akin to that used by Chinese Dragons. The Guardian of the Lake- Also known as The Grand Lamprey, this is simply the biggest creature of the family confirmed to exist. The guardian inhabits mainly lakes, but it can travel all over the world. The main thing to watch for on it is its tongue, which is well over 20 feet long and as sharp as a spear. It can use its tongue to spear a victim and draw it to its mouth, to be sucked dry. Granted a human is nothing but a little slurp to a beast as great as this. Under no circumstances should one try to destroy it, unless you have access to an M1A1 Abrams Tank Plattoon. Additionally if you know The Guardian is in the vicinity, be careful about what lamperys you kill.. for it senses the death of its kindred, and is quick to avenge. If you are fast, you may be able flee from this great monstrosity, but you best hope you never meet it. Electric Lampreys- These are varieties of common lampreys, ususally the aquatic type, but there are reports of electric lampreys. As far as known there are no known species of electric giant lampreys, or mental lampreys. The main peculiarity is these lampreys ability to generate an electric surge on the magnitude of 100,000 volts, enuff to stun a man. They use their powers of electricity to stun their prey before the feed. It is best to wear a rubber suit when hunting electric lampreys. Animator Lampreys- These lampreys are praticularly frightening. They are relatively small, around 8 inches long. They are amphibious. They feed like normal lampreys, however after their prey is sucked dry, they can crawl in their victims' skill and actually animate the corpse. In this manner they can control any sort of body, from a weasel to a Great Blue Whale. Beware of animator lampreys... who knows who you friends really are? A NOTE ON THE TAXONOMY OF LAMPREYS In general lampreys belong to: Kingdom: Animalia Phylum: Chordata Class: Agnatha Order: Petromyzontiformes Family: Petromyzontidae Here are the specific Nomenclatures of all previously described lamprey species, using the Genus, specific epithet method. Sea Lamprey- Petromyzon marinus Lesser Land Lamprey- Petromyzon terrestrius _normalis_ Greater Land Lamprey- Petromyzon terrestrius _gigantus_ Two-headed-glow-in-the-dark-lamprey- Lampetra lux (?) Mental Lamprey- Petromyzon psyche Giant Desert Lamprey- Lampetrix mortis (?) Aboleth- no acceptable taxonomy Flying Pink Lamprey- Petromyzon pinkus _avius_ (?) Electric Lamprey- Petromyzon electricus Guardian of the Lake- Lampetrix destruxi (?) (one of a kind presumably) Animator Lamprey- Lampetra animatoris OoOoOo. . . o . Itchi-Koo now (regretfully) presents........ Thoughts about society. Part I Have you ever realized that society really sucks? Society will label you, embarrass you, and piss you off. People want you to be exactly like them, and when you're not, blam-o, you're automatically labeled different, wierd and strange. Dress odd? Whap, another bunch of remarks. Are you free? Do you think you're free? Could you walk into a Jewel or Pathmark wearinng a toga and Mickey Mouse ears? I don't think so. It makes you think, "God, doesn't anybody care?" Last week I saw a little girl out side of a 7-11. She was eating an ice cream cone and she had a deck of cards in her other hand. While eating, she almost lost the ice cream cone on the ground, but she dropped all of the playing cards. I sat there and watched 5 people walk in the 7-11 and then walk out. Did they see her? You're damn right they did. Did anyone help her? No. Not one person. Why? Because she had a physical disability, and no one would even stop to pick up one card for her. No one. That's a perfect example of what's happening all over the country, right now. Peope are becoming more and more arrogant everyday. They belive that they are supreme to everyone. All races, all colors, all religions. I'm not asking you to go blow up a car, but that's not a bad idea. What I'm sking you to do is to think. Just think. That's it. Think about why people act they way they do to you if you're different. If you're different, flaunt yourself in their face. Show them that you're here to stay, so they can take their rotten ass home to piss off. If you feel like singing Mr. Rogers in a crowded mall, do it, dammit! Dance, sing, jump, be yourself. Just don't sit there and say, " Boy, look at that freak. Ha ha!" --------------------- The story of Oompry, the bat. One day, Oompry lived in a tropical rain forest. Some piss heads cut his home down. He got mad, and bit all of the little bastards. They all got rabies and died. --------------------- OoOoOo. . . o . Behind The Scenes: Nyarlathotep Ok, I am sitting here at 1:30 A.M. I should really be sleeping... I have class tomorrow at 8:00, but I was never one for a full night sleep. Anyways on to the point of this little essay. I am Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. I am the co-sysop on the Obloid Sphere. I hate Lampreys. But this is all elementary stuff... who am I really? I am the person that controls which shows stay on the air and which shows don't. It never fails, but anytime I neglect a show that I use to watch fanatically it goes off the air. It all started around 7th or 8th grade. There was this awesome cartoon, _Robotech_, that I had watched since 3rd or 4th grade. During one of these years I neglected watching it regularly, and watched only once or twice a week. It went off the air, never to return. Remember that show _The_Wizard_? It starred Randall from the movie _Time_Bandits_ as a guy who made toys and fought crime. I watched that show fanatically for a season, but the next I had something to do that night (I don't remember what though) and it went off the air. _Family_Ties_ was another one of the carnage (good thing too... it sucked). _Cosby_Show_, _St._Elsewhere_, and even _Quantum_Leap_, they all have fallen prey to my busy schedule and general boredom with TV. I fear now, since I watch so little TV, that _Northern_Exposure_ and _The_Simpsons_ shall also fall prey to this effect. I hope that _L.A._Law_ does become affected, for all our sakes. So the next time your favorite show goes of the air... I'm sorry that I didn't Watch it! Ä ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Ä Why Does Your Ballsack Hang Right After You Get Out Of The Shower? Does your ballsack feel like it has a 40 foot drop on it when you first get out of the shower? Mine does. Well if you have this problem, like most Americans do, you should continue reading this file to the end. When most people first get out of the shower they either: A. Have a huge erection the size of Antarctica. B. Have a ballsack that hangs like a droopy dog tounge. C. Have no dick. D. all of the above.?|! Whatever you pick I don't wanna know. But it is probally one of those choices. |={hopefully}=| Lets go into detail about those chocies. A. Have a huge erection the size of Antarctica = You have to be jacking off in order to reach this stage. B. Have a ballsack that hangs like a droopy dog tounge = You have been just washing and not playing at all with yourself in anyway. Unless you are impitant. C. Have no dick = I feel sorry for you. Dicks are a lot of fun. D. All of the above = That means that you were jacking off and washing off and stroking your emptyness near where your crotch should be. Overall this is a basic example of a short documentry on ballsacks and I hope you learned a lot about ballsacks in general. WARNING........... This text file was not meant to be truthful in anyway remeber Please don't jackoff and wash off and rub your nothingness all at the same time or you will strain you Verbatim. Hope you like my ballsack, King Krazy Please don't take my balls in your hands and squezee really hard. Thanks. Ä ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Ä Flight of the Cartlifer (Revised) This job will be a snap, Johnny thought to himself as he tossed the toilet paper into his Suitcase. He grinned as he grabbed all the soap and shampoo and towels and hairnets and shower caps and the Giddeon Bible and the phonebook and the pencils and the notepads and the pens and the Ice bucket and the vase full of flowers and the remote control to the TV. He pillaged the room until there was nothing smaller than a breadbox lying around in sight. He even bothered to take all the wire hangers, that is how obessed this man was. A knock at the door made Johnny nearly jump right out of his pants. He quickly shut his suitcase and went to the door. The maid enters, cheery as a dog in a big open field. "May I come in and Tidy up the room?" She questions. "Go right ahead. I'm just about packed and ready to leave." Johnny remarks, holding the facade of a smile upon his face. The maid brings her cart into the room and moves into the bathroom, proceeding to shine the mirror and dust. Johnny's eyes bulged out at the sight of the HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of little bottles of shampoo, the soaps, the little mints, the shower caps! ... Johnny almost came in his pants when he saw the little tubes of toothpaste! Johnny carefully made sure the maid wasn't paying attention and quickly thrust as many little items in his jacket coat pockets as he could. As soon as he had those filled, he tossed them all in his front jean pockets. The maid suddenly came in, almost making Johnny soil himself. "Everything okay? Do you need anything?" The maid asked. "No, I'm Fine." Johnny quickly replied, sighing in relief that the maid hadn't noticed his bulging pockets. She probably wouldn't think the bulging pockets were from little bottles, considering how attractive she was. The maid looks away, and once again Johnny started pocketing as many little bottles he could. He had almost filled both his back pockets when the maid turned around quickly and looked him directly in the eye. "You... You're stealing from my cart, aren't you?" she questioned harshly. "...No!" Johnny quickly came up with, nothing better coming to mind. "How DARE you steal from MY cart!" The maid screams at a very loud and angered tone. "Well... They are free items for the guests, aren't they?" Johnny asked, trying to pass the blame away from him. "I'm... I'm going to call the management!" The maid declaired. "You Just do that!" Johnny demanded, now pretending to be infuriated. Johnny moved to pick up his suitcase and leave to the downstairs, but as he attempted this feat, he made a tragic flaw in his mechanics as he picked up the suitcase without snapping it closed. All of the items he had pillaged from the room came tumbling out onto the carpeting. "You stole ALL those things from this room!" The maid screamed. Johnny tried to grab all his belonging and quickly make a run for it. Unfortunate for him, the maid was expecting an action like this, and asserted one of her moves that she learned in her maid self-defense classes. "Freeze! One more move and you'll be sucking on a pine forest!" The maid exclaims, Pine Sol ready and willing in hand. Johnny stared down the spray nozzle, and stood motionless. The maid, never taking her eyes off of Jonny, moved over to the phone and called the front desk. Within a moment the Security would be up to arrest Johnny. Johnny had very little time left to try to make his escape. He bolted at the maid, trying to knock the can of Pine Sol away from her while she was distracted on the phone. Johnny's timing was a second too late as the maid sprayed the fresh smell of a evergreen forest directly into Johnny's eyes, temporarily blinding him and making him flop around on the floor in pain. Johnny was arrested, charged with attempted cartlifting. The police took away all of Johnny's items that he had taken from the hotel, even the plastic shoehorns, because plastic shoehorns are worth something too. The maid smiled as she watched Johnny being dragged out, knowing she had taken another Cartlifter off the streets. [ This story was taken from a Script written by Julie Burt for the Stage ] Ä ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Ä Û Û [MiLK] Information Û Û Û Û [MiLK] Sites: Û Û Û Û Barney's Pleasure Palace...(708)965-3098 [14,400] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û CUM........................(708)961-1220 [14,400] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Acropolis..............(708)557-2826 [14,400] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û BIG Issue #4 ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ This file is Exactly 31876 bytes long