_____________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------- I Bleed for This? ------------------------------ ------05.25.94-----------------------------------------------------#018------ Slap My Fro #1 Introduced by Jason Farnon "What exactly is jive?" you ask. Well it's how a brother talks! It's also great fun when you are feeling miserable. Whenever something awful or depressing happens, don't despair, jive it! An assignment from your boss, an obituary, or statistics on the AIDS epidemic can all be jived! This is the first in a series of many, many files converted to jive. This one comes one of our favorite posters on alt.tasteless, Trashcan Man. ============================================================================== Newsgroups: alt.tasteless Subject: Kooky Campus Activists. Date: 21 May 1994 04:45:40 GMT Organization: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Gang Bang Yes, Columbia University is full of wacko revolutionary types who folly in thinking they can actually change the world they live in. One of the most ardent of these is one Udit Kondal, who has been censured (and nearly expelled) from campus for leading an ill-advised building takeover. Anyway, you'd think this guy would be a real bleeding heart, so what to my surprise when I found in a campus publication called "Folkus" an essay by him titled: "I Sexually Assaulted a Young Girl Our Age..." Here's an excerpt: "On this night, I once again recall the following act of hate: When I was 13 years old, a friend (Chris) and I sexually assaulted a young girl our age. The two of us asked her to come into a small apartment building laundry room. When we entered the room, we closed the door and told her we wanted "some of her." I held her from behind as Chris grabbed and sucked on her breasts through her shirt. I then urged Chris to pull up her shirt and bra and "get to the real thing." I remember she did not say a word, probably too startled, too frightened to say anything. We then pulled down her shorts and underwear. I proceeded to take out my erect penis and attempted to penetrate her anus. SHe began to cry. She struggled vehemently. I could not enter her so we decided to let her go. She then ran out of the laundomat..." This guy's good enough to be a member of Phi Gamma Delta. Not being able to resist, I decided I needed to run this excerpt through my jive text filter- and what did it output? On dis night, ah' once again recall de followin' act uh hate, dig dis: When ah' wuz 13 years old, some homey (Chris) and ah' sexually assaulted some yung goat our age. What it is, Mama! De two uh us ax'ed ha' to mosey on down into some little-ass apartment buildin' laundry room. 'S coo', bro. When we entered da damn room, we closed da damn doo' and told ha' we wants'ed "some uh her. Ah be baaad..." ah' held ha' from behind as Chris grabbed and sucked on ha' breasts drough ha' shirt. ah' den urged Chris t'pull down ha' shirt and bra and "get t'de real wahtahmellun." ah' rememba' she dun did not say some wo'd, probably too startled, too frightened t'say anydin'. We den pulled waaay down ha' sho'ts and underwear. Ah be baaad... ah' proceeded t' snatch out mah' erect penis and attempted t'penetrate ha' anus. SHe began t'cry. Slap mah fro! She struggled vehemently. Slap mah fro! ah' could not enta' ha' so we decided t'let ha' go. She den ran out uh de laundomat. I cant help but ROFL when I reread this new, improved passage... Trashcan "These Views Do Not Necessarily Reflect Those Of Columbia" Man. ============================================================================== IBFT: We Break Your Wooden Leg Information, mailing list: bleed-request@unix.amherst.edu ftp.etext.org:/pub/Zines/IBFT The Eleventh Hour (617)696-3146 ==============================================================================