=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Just some thoughts early in the morning --------------------------------------- Odd how we decide things. I grew up hating my body. I was never thin enough or active enough. I hated this or that about my body. It seemed as if I spent my life in an armed relationship with my body never trusting that it would be what I wanted. And yet in reality, my body should be my best friend. I realized that all those years of hating how I looked - of always wanting to change something about my body - of always being disappointed at how it performed or more often didn't. I spent those decades searching for that acceptance of my body from others. If you liked me then I would be ok. And so it is, to my mind, a small wonder that while I think I know my body well and recognize how it works, I don't trust it. There is a base line certainty that my body is against me. Perhaps that is not uncommon for many of us. I don't know. Perhaps that is how society has raised us however indirectly that we never really like our bodies. But where I am now that has to change. My body and I are in the middle of a new relationship that cannot survive a relationship based on fear. I need to gather in my acceptance of that body I live in and realize that these next many months are going to strain that view of me a great deal. There are changes happening already. I've got connections now wired into my veins that will become hooked to machines. I've no doubt that the chemicals they dump into me in high levels will do things to my body I won't like. Nor will my body have much fun either. So learning to love my body and the changes it is taking now will become essential to this journey. At a juncture such as this, I can choose to be an invalid or a survivor. I choose not to spend my life looking out and wondering what I missed. I intend to expect my body to keep up. And to that end, I need to learn now to become my own best friend. Me =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with = = "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back = = issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = = FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids = = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = = FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK = = WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = = http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html = = http://www.simunye.com/fuck = = http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=