=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Unhappy Birthday ---------------- The following is something I got from a friend of mine: > "The latest is the fact that I was reprimanded for refusing to take part in > singing Happy Birthday to Teri yesterday. I bought her a present and a > card, and wished her a good day. (Which, I might add, is more than she > did for ME.) Anyway, I'm a horrible person, apparently. I've explained > my aversion to this task to everyone MANY times. Since I was at least > EIGHT I've hated it. I've decided that, nearly 25 years later, it's time > for me to stop doing what I don't wanna do. I think, perhaps, I was > bludgeoned to death by someone who happened to be singing Happy Birthday > WHILE they were bludgeoning." So, after reading this, I starting thinking about the singing of "Happy Birthday". I read an article by Dave Barry last summer talking about group singing. He pointed out that you can't get two people, let alone a whole office or party, to sing "Happy Birthday" ('HB') on key. Yet, to his amazement after watching endless seasons of B-ball, everyone can chat "Air Ball" in perfect pitch and harmony. He said to watch a game sometime and listen when the chant starts. After about the second chat, everyone is singing at the correct pitch with impeccable timing. Hmmmm.... Point being, like many things, if you cannot use it right do not use it at all. This goes for singing 'HB'. Hearing those off-key voices is about as charming a thought as hearing the whooping and yelling of the Bloods or Crips as they chase my lilly-white butt through S. Central. I think that singing 'HB' is more traumatic than birth itself. Leaving the warm, fluid comfort of the womb for a cold, bright, loud world is piddle next to mock excited-faced co-workers trying to bellow out "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....." grrrrrr...... I mean, is this a Viking chant or Klingon war cry as a warrior grows one year closer to death. Does this crap-song announce the beginning of my journey to Valhalla? Like some Gregorian chant, at best, I think this song is sung to ward off the reaper who shall not approach the wailing of the office banshees. The simple fact is this: Most people cannot sing. When they do, they are hit with rounds of comments about keeping their day job. If you asked someone to sing you Layla at work, they wouldn^t. Then WHY, I ask you, do they get together and sing on your birthday. If their voices are so awful that they wouldn^t even sing a song they like in the car alone at night, why yell one in your face while you^re trying hard to deal with the cruel fact of mortality. Marilyn Monroe; sing your brains out. Beatles; I'll take that ditty any day. Trapped in the lunchroom at work? I'd just as soon hear my initials carved in my teeth with broken glass. And a One, and a Two.. -Capone capone@dimensional.com =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... = = Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = gote land +27.31.441115 = = Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 = = Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 = = Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 = = Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 = = Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unearthly Shadows 303.683.1443 = = E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 = = Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images -- Down -- = = Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 = = underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 = = PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 = = Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 = = Damaged 801.944.7353 The Death Star Bar 805.872.3151 = = Purple Hell 806.791.0747 BloodNet 901.872.8615 = = Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 = = The Keg 914.234.9674 that stupid place 215.985.0462 = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Files through Anon FTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = = FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck = = FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck = = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = = ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK = = FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM - /users/rage/zines/fuck = = Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = = http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= (11/25/96)