______________________________________________________________________________ T ||==\\ || || ||==\\ ||==|| || || B L E N D E R C O R P O R A T I O N || || || || || || || \\ // ------------------------------------ H || || || || ||==// ||=|| >|< >>> Presents <<< || || || || || \\ || // \\ SAYINGS1.DBC E ||==// \\==// || \\ ||==|| || || #020-SE01 -- [07/09/91] ______________________________________________________________________________ Sayings and Ancient Truths, gleaned from Schrodinger's Cat by Robert Anton Wilson ---------------------------------------- Why me, O Lord? - Ancient Primate Question My dog understands perfectly everything I say to him. I am the one who does not understand. - Furbish Lousewart V, Unsafe Wherever you go A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure. - Segal's Law There is no such thing as water, it is merely melted ice. - Furbish Lousewart V, Unsafe Wherever you go A A A O O O O Z O R A Z A Z Z A I E O A Z A E I I IO Z A K H O E OOOYTHOEAZAEAAOZAKHOZAKHEYTY XAAL-ETHYKH - This is the name which you must speak in the interior world. - Jesus, Pistis Sophia Let me control a planet's oxygen supply and I don't care who makes the laws. - Great Cthulhu's Starry Wisdom Band How many Zen masters toes it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it in and one not to screw it in. - Private Japes of Mister G. Now we've got them just where they want us! - Admiral James Tiberius Kirk No Wife, No Horse, No Moustache. The mind is Buddha, the mind is not Buddha. A Jam Sandwich Using No Peanuts Mayonnaise or Glue. What, me infallible? - Pope Stephen Integritas, Consonantia, Claritas That which is forbidden is not allowed. - John Lilly, The Center of the Cyclone Qol: Hua Allahu achad; Allahu Assamad; lam yalid walam yulad; walam yakun lahu kufwan achad. - The Koran Two monks on a journey stopped at Vlad's castle one night and begged shelter from the elements. Vlad set out for them a magnificent banquet and then afterward asked them what the people of Hungary really thought about him. The first monk answered diplomatically and falsely that everybody said Vlad was a stern but just ruler. The second monk boldly told the truth: that everbody said Vlad was a homocidal maniac. Vlad therefore had one of the monks impaled. - The Vlad Enigma Take what thou hast and give it to the poor. - Attributed to some longhair Commie freak Everyone who is a lawyer must either be mentally defective or be bound to become so in time. - Furbish Lousewart V,Unsafe Wherever You Go Gestorben ist nicht, was fur ewig ruht, und mit unbekannten Aonen mag sogar de Tod noch sterben. - Von Junzt Overall there is a smell of fried onions. - Eva Gebloomenkraft The great Sufi sage Nasrudin once invented a magic wand. Wishing to patent such a valuable device, Nasrudin waved the wand and created a oatent office, which immediately appeared in 3-D Technicolor. Nasrudin then walked in and told the clerk, "I want to patent a magic wand." "You can't do that," said the clerk. "There is no such thing as a magic wand." Nasrudin immediately waved his wand again, and the patent office and the clerk both disappeared. - Dr. Horace Naismith The Science of Economics: 1. Find out who profits from it. 2. Groups never meet together except to conspire against other groups. 3. Every System evolves and expands until it encroaches upon other systems. 4. It all returns to equilibrium, eventually - Dr. Rauss Elysium Flossing is the Answer. - Markoff Chaney writing as Ezra Pound All Cretans are Liars. - Empedocles the Cretan The President of the United States is not a crook. - The President of the United States Death to all Fanatics! - Malaclypse the younger King Kong died for your sins. - Markoff Chaney writing as Ezra Pound One of the causes of cancer is the harmfulness of cooked foods. - Furbish Lousewart V, Unsafe Wherever You Go Knee-jerk liberals and all the certified saints of sanctified humanism are quick to condemn this great and much-mailigned Transylvanian Statesman. - William F. Buckley, Jr., The Wit and Wisdom of Vlad the Impaler The variables vary too much and the constants aren't as constant as they seem. - Finagle's Fifth Fundamental Finding Out of the Mausoleums, into the Streets. - "Figs" Newton, The Necrophile Liberation Front Megalithic monuments were certainly not places of worship but places of refuge for people fleeing the advance of mud. - Furbish Lousewart V, Unsafe Wherever You Go ______________________________________________________________________________ (C)1991 by The Durex Blender Corporation & Someone Else (R.A. Wilson) All Rights Available at the Door. No Reservations. *** Spread the word of Turnex, the Blender for the Next Millenium. *** The Durex Blender Corporation : Boston (617) 696-8156 - 24oo/8N1 - 24 hours