þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ þþþ CYBER_PHUCK MAGAZINE ISSUE FOUR þþþ þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ This is issue FOUR of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. I hope you enjoy it. 1. Zen and The Management of Suburban Dog Shit 2. Lead in Your Drinking Water and How To Protect Yourself 3. Damage Inc Crash Guide To The Internet and Internet Accounts 4. How To Rebuild a Fucking Carburetor. :-) 5. Pasta Pasta Pasta. How To Cook Awesome Pasta. Cool easy recipes. þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ Zen And The Management of Suburban Dogshit. Dog shit stinks. Literally and spiritually. It stinks. It sticks to your shoes and won't come off. It's nasty it fucking SUCKS. Well if you're tired of not being able to enjoy your own suburban back yard for the genuine fear of stepping in dog shit, you should know the beneficial technique to manage dog shit correctly. Required Equipment: 1. A hose Rubber hoses are the best. Don't buy a cheapo hose at K-mart. It's a waste of money if you get a garden water hose based solely on price. Buy a good quality RUBBER hose! A rubber hose will stay flexible when the weather is cool and will last decades if you don't run it over with the lawn mower. Rubber hoses are odviously made of rubber. Cheap bullshit hoses are made out of vinyl or some shiny brittle shitty material. When dealing with dog shit, you don't want shitty equipment! 2. A spray attachment WITH TRIGGER! A spray attachment with trigger is mandatory. One should get the best attachment they can afford. Ideally, one that can be adjusted to spray a HARD JET STREAM is the best for the shitty fun jobs ahead. Spray attachments made of PVC (poly vinyl chloride) are the best. Do not buy ones made of regular plastic or the sunlight will make the plastic brittle and they will break. Avoid ones with parts made of steel, like steel clips and springs. Steel RUSTS! Get a good spray attachment made of PVC, that can shoot a very tight jet stream at high pressure, and that has some sort of triggering device, to minimize water waste, and allow the hose to build up pressure between shots of water. 3. Good water pressure. Good water pressure helps get the job done well. A good rubber hose will permit more water flow and better water pressure build-up and release than a crappy plastic hose. THE SECRET OF DOG SHIT IN A SUBURBAN ENVIRONMENT Bone meal is a fertilizer. Dog shit contains bone meal. Well, just about every ingredient in dog food is also found in fertilizers. But dog shit kills the grass doesn't it. NOT ANY MORE IT DOESN'T! Prepare to have the most lush and beautiful back yard in town. WITHOUT chemical sprays or chemical fertilizers. Tell the chemical lawn spray company to FUCK OFF! :-) because the secret's out! What You Do Each day after work, pour yourself a tall glass of coke, or ice tea and go into the back yard. Pat the dog on the head and wave and smile at your neighbor who will try to avoid eye contact with you anyhows. Turn on the hose and prepare for A Three Minute Dog Shit Country Safari in your own back yard! (be sure to spray any cats with the hose because the dogs will really think you're cool if you do that :-) Smoke if you got 'em. Technique: Walk slowly into the yard and casually nuke every one of them dog turds with the hard jet spray of the hose. Let the pressure build up and build up in the hose between shots of water, as you spy for the Amazing Crapso's latest masterpiece and then blast it into dogshit oblivion. Spraying the dog shit every day when the weather is hot, or every 2 days or so when the weather is more pleasant, breaks-down the dog shit into it's natural elements extremely effectively. DO NOT WAIT FOR THE dog shit to turn to bricks in the sun, but instead blast it into dog shit residue every day if possible. Adding water to dog shit before it dries, encourages micro organisms added by fido's intestional tract to break down the shit most effectively. Breaking the actual turd apart increases the amount of oxygen available to each nano-spec of dog shit increasing this biological breakdown. Spraying the dog turd with the hose is the best way to deal with dog shit. The turds disappear, the grass is green, and there's nothing nasty for you to step in (or for the Amazing Crapso to roll in as well). If you miss spraying a day or so and the turds turn into petrified icons of shit, simply wet them down with a wide spray and allow them ample time to soften up, and then you can blast them into doggy shit dust. Summary. Blast the dog turds everyday with the hose where they lie and you'll have the greenest yard in town! "Go ahead... make my mother fucking day.. you piece of shit! :-) þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ Lead In Drinking Water And How To Protect Yourself! Most water contains some lead. Some sources are natural sources as water filters through the ground. Most sources however are man made. In 1985 Ronald Reagan signed the Clean Water Act that banned the use of lead solder in plumbing in new construction. Also lead is no longer used in gasoline or paints which should help a lot too. Lead from paint chips is bad news too because it floats through the air and lands in dust that the baby chews up. Lead gets into drinking water in the following ways. 1. Lead pipes in old homes and very old underground pipes. (uncommon but VERY serious if they're still there) 2. Lead solder used to bond copper pipes in most homes. (very common source 80% of homes) Lead affects you inversely to what you weigh. A baby drinking lead contaminated water will show much more detrimental effects than a man will. Lead affects children much more than adults. Lead exposure will make one stupid, can cause serious physical affects as well if the levels are high enough. High doses can cause seisures that mimic epileptic seisures. During the Salem witch trials everybody was incredibly stupid because of lead exposure in pewter cookwear and food storage etc devices. Children believed possessed were actually having seisures from lead exposure. Adults were incredibly stupid from prolonged exposure. During Roman times, exposure to lead was extremely bad. Early water supply plumbing was sometimes made entirely of lead. Ceasar suffered seisures from lead exposure most likely. People were stupid from lead exposure to the point of the exposure leading to the eventual fall of the Roman Empire according to some scientists. Some ceramic cookwear contains high levels of lead from the earth used it it's manufacture. Beware of cookwear and dishes especially that have painted designs, especially gold leaf on them. Lead crystal glasswear should not be used for food storage. Do not keep wine in lead crystal for prolonged periods. When in doubt, toss it out. Beware of true antique pewter dishes and cups. Filters are NOT very effective against lead in water. Good News! The older the plumbing, the less lead will leach out of it. Plumbing gets coated inside with lime and other minerals after a while. Also fluoride used in water sticks hard against the inside of the pipes locking the lead in place. Prevention! If the water hasn't been run for several hours, let it run until it is cold to flush the lead laced water out. NEVER use hot water out of the tap for cooking or drinking EVER! If a plumber does work at your house, be sure he uses new "lead free" solder. If he uses unmarked solder, or old solder containing lead, please shoot him in the head because his brain was damaged by exposure to lead. Mental damage from lead exposure is not reversible. After the tap water is running cool. You can fill up a glass jar with cold water and put it aside or in the fridge if you want to drink water later. Pour it into one of those water filter jugs is a good idea too. Other wierd sources of lead include Ceramic dishes (red clay from Mexico and Asia) (worse if food is stored in them for prolonged periods) (especially acidic foods like wine, vinegar, etc) Pewter Dishes and Cups Lead was once used in their manufacture. Old Telephone Trunk Cables Those big old cables in old towns that are grey in color. That are extrmely heavy and droop from pole to pole. Working with lead cables is why some phone company techs are so fucking stupid :) Cable TV wires are made of alumium and are also grey though. Lead Shot from ShotGun Shells Lead shot has landed in duck ponds for years. This gets into water and ducks eat them and ingest lots of lead. Stainless steel shot is the only legal shot for hunting but you know how people are. If you get pulled over for speeding in a country town, be carefull what you say. They may be impaired mentally from lead shot in their food and water supply. Lead Crystal glass ware Do not use for food storage Paint ! Used to increase the stickiness of paint for years! Was in use very common through the fifties and into the sixties. BEWARE WHEN REMOVING OLD PAINT NOT TO CREATE DUST. Fishing lures and Tire Weights are made of lead. Keep away from kids who might chew them. or chew their fingers after handeling them. Lead sticks to your fingers really bad. It is a metal softer than most. Ever handle copper pennies and your hands stink?. well lead sticks worse than that to your fingers but has no smell! Autobody shops Used to fix cars with lead before they invented "bondo" fiberglass autobody fillers). Nuclear weapons plants Uranium is a highly refined form of lead ore. þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ DAMAGE INC CRASH COURSE IN INTERNET FULL ACCESS ACCOUNTS! Cyber BBS 513-863-0447 This requires understanding of DOS before it means anything. Never pay more than 20$ a month for full internet access including FTP (file transfer protocol) and don't get an account that limits your time you can logon. ALL COMMANDS ARE IN LOWER CASE. DO NOT USE CAPITAL LETTERS! joeblow@whatever.com sample address for joe at a commercial site joeblow@bigstate.edu sample address at a university account site If you get lost or it freaks out just drop carrier from your comm program. Use VT102 emulation for most sites. DO NOT use the backspace key. Use the Delete key instead. $ the unix prompt tin -q starts the newsgroup program. This is like 9,000 message areas there are 9,000 newsgroups or message areas. In your home directory there is a file called .newsrc you can edit it to include or exclude specific newsgroups if you edit .newsrc the ( "!" = ignore) ( ":" = subscribe) eep a program on some systems to edit your .newsrc file pico THE unix editor program for editing text files. You can use the command "edit" on some systems to get this program up. Use the command "pico" if you're not sure. pine starts the most popular mail program to send and read mail. create or edit a file called .signature to have a unique signature appear on your mail and stuff who shows who's logged on the system besides yourself cd change directory like in DOS cd /home cd (with nothing after it will take you to your home dir) / always use a slash "/" UNIX DOESN'T USE A BACKSLASH EVER! pwd present working directory shows where you're at /home/joeblow (works in telnet and ftp too!) telnet lets you telnet to other sites to look around and do stuff telnet mit.edu open if prompt says "telnet > " use this to connect to a site telnet > open mit.edu close leave a site connection close ftp lets you go to other sites and "get" files ftp univ.wash.edu open if prompt says "ftp > " use this command to connect to a site open univ.virginia.edu close leave a site close get "gets" a file from remote site and sends it to your home dir on the unix machine you're subscribed to very fast. get super_cali_fred-igelesticespealadoscious.zip.file.ZIP get pkunzip.exe (unix file names can be up to 256 characters long) WHEN YOU TELNET OR FTP TO A REMOTE SITE LOGIN AS " anonymous " (tough to spell huh?) PASSWORD " joeblow@shit.com " give your internet address sz send files from your unix host to your PC using Zmodem (send Z) sz whatever.the.file.is (use proper case) rz send files from your pc to your unix with Zmodem (recieve Z) rz and then just send it close closes stuff quit quits stuff, logoff ls -l lists files in a meaningful way ls -lpm better way to list files drwxrwxrwx file attributes. d--------- means a directory listing rwx means the file owner can read write or execute the file rwx means anybody with same security can read/write/exec the file rwx means anybody in the world can read/write/or execute the file man (followed by any command) gives you help for a command from the manual man pine (gives you help with pine mail program) talk joeblow@anyplace.com lets you "chat" with joe anywhere in the world if it says "chat requested", park the program you're in with control-z or exit it back to the unix prompt and type "talk" control-z parks a program jobs lists programs you parked %1 restarts parked program 1 %2 restarts parked program 2 control-z doesn't work on some systems. use ! instead. Just type "!" in FTP and it will give you a unix prompt. Type exit to return to active FTP session. control-c stops many programs including the "talk" (chat) program Remember to use the delete key instead of the backspace. If you're real wild you can set your comm program to send a delete when you hit the backspace. Don't bother with any books on UNIX unless you're forced to program in it. This little text file and just fucking with unix will make you an expert. Books and text files on Intenet and Unix For Dummies are for dummies ONLY! So if you want to learn unix and the internet just jump in in there and keep this text printed near your computer to remember the commands until you know them as well as you know DOS. þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ HOW TO REBUILD A CARBURETOR Zen and the Art of CARBURETOR Maintenance. First, are you sure that the carburetor on your car or truck actually needs rebuilding. Symptoms of a bad carburetor are, 1. Coughing when accelerating or pulling hills 2. Possible backfire when accelerating or pulling hill 3. Hasn't been rebuilt or replaced in last 20k miles Carburetors are no longer put on most cars or trucks any more because fuel injection systems offer a 15% increase in power and economy. It's a bitch to switch-over from carburetion to fuel-injection and much cheaper in the short run to just rebuild the carburetor, which isn't all that complicated, and which doesn't take much more time than replacing a carburetor which costs TONS more than rebuilding one. The word "rebuilding" sounds scary but don't let it fool you. The problem with your carburetor is not in your set. The rubber accelerator pump is probably worn on from friction of pumping up and down, and from the alcohol used in gasolines these days. Lately there has been a sharp increase in the price of carburetor rebuild kits. This is based on greed, and the fact that carburetors are getting more and more rare of course. Shop around. Before trying to purchase a carburetor rebuild kit, you will have to get the numbers off of the old carburetor. This is important because you will get dirty looks, and probably the wrong kit if you ask for a carburetor rebuild kit without actually knowing the carburetor numbers first. Some carburetors have a alumminum tag screwed on top of the carburetor. Most have some sort of number stamped on the side of the carburetor. Start the engine (so the fumes don't gag you) and do a major spray down of the carburetor, inside and out) with some good gum-out carburetor aerosol spray cleaner. When you find the numbers, write them all down, and take them to the parts store with you. Don't jump into buying a kit without checking on price first. The last one I did, I found the prices ranged from 15 $ at one place, up to 30 $ at another. They contained the same stuff. You probably won't need floats, but get them if necessary, they might cost extra. The most important things in the kits are 1. Rubber Accelerator Pump 2. Proper Gaskets (don't use gasket sealer on carb gaskets) 3. Little springs and steel balls. Carefully and slowly pull the carburetor off the car. Remove the air cleaner, vacuum lines, and linkage levers, label stuff if necessary so you can get it back on exactly as before. Don't loose any little clips because that will be the one they didn't put in the kit. Don't discard any parts for that reason. Be very careful when removing the fuel-input line. The fitting is made of brass and will strip very easily. Some have filters built into them. Some guys soak the things for a while, a few can even rebuild some (depending on the type of carb) on the car. It's better to take it off. Slowly disassemble the thing. Check for bend push rods inside the thing, beware of springs that pop off when you remove a panel etc. Start from the top of the carburetor and take off one part at a time. Take off only what is necessary etc. Be carefull. Don't bend flexible metal parts because their adjustment may be critical. A kitchen table works good for cleaning a carburetor with lots of papers and stuff to keep from making a mess etc. When removing a gasket while removing a part, clean the surfaces clean to remove all gasket material which may come loose other wise and clog a jet later. Some carburetors have jets you can replace, others have large bore jets that you can just push the shit out of with a long pin. Take your time. Always replace the accelerator pump. It is entirely possible that the only part that needs replaced is the accelerator pump. If you take out the floats, don't bend the levers on them. Later on the kit may tell you to turn the carb upside down and check the distance the floats hang from the lip of the carb. Don't fuck that up. And if you don't bend them to start with, they will probably work anyway without adjustment. If you want the ultimate rebuild, clean everything until it's spot less with cleaners etc. The spec of dirt you remove now, might not lodge in a jet later. Take your time reassembling the carburetor, be very altert for little tiny balls like in ball bearings that do something in the carburetor. To remove one may require turning an assembly upside down. And turning an assembly upside down without thinking, may let a tiny little ball fall out and disappear underneath the most nasty place you'll never find it on the floor or your garage workshop or kitchen, so be careful. When putting the carb back on the engine, make sure the gasket surface on the intake manifold is clean and avoid dropping shit down inside the manifold. If you drop a bolt or screw in there it can cause major fucking damage. Check the action on the carburetor before hooking the fuel line back up. When you most the levers you should be able to hear the accelerator pump forcing air out someplace. Everything should work perfectly. Use care when putting the fuel input back on because the brass fitting may strip very easily. There's a lot of pressure in that fuel line being pumped up from the fuel pump, so don't bugger up the threads. Good luck. If your car is old (like before the 1970's) if it knocks during acceleration even after the carb has been rebuild, you should trying doubling the timing number. If it says 6 degrees to set it, try setting it to ten or twelve degrees. The fuel today has god knows what in it. Avoid fuel additives that contain alchol, like fuel anti-freeze because that's what ruins the accelerator pumps tight fit. The accelrator pump fit can't really be measured. When you rebuild one, the old one alwasys looks okay but it isn't believe me. þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ PASTA PASTA PASTA Cool and Excellent, and Easy Pasta Recipes Cool and Excellent and Easy pasta recipes require 3 main ingredients. 1 Good Italian Olive Oil. Look for the those glass jars of olive oil that are wide at the base and skinny at the top. A bottle costs like 5 bucks but it lasts a long time and is good for your cholesterol. Don't buy clear oils. The yellow oils are best. 2 Good Pasta. Look for "Vermicelli" its thinner than thin spaghetti. Takes exactly 6 minutes to cook. 3 Garlic. Get a couple large bulbs of it. Peel it by biting the end off, peeling off the dry skin, and smashing it with the flat edge of a big knife or large spoon, then chopping some. Parmesean Cheese. Don't buy discount brands. Jungle Jims in Fairfield has the best. Good national brands are okay but generic brands and discount brands often contain fillers like sawdust etc. Spices. Get Parsley (dry in a jar or fresh is even better), Basil is good too, and Oregano, maybe some black pepper if you have a pepper mill only. Don't use pre-ground pepper. Vinegar. Get Italian Balsamic Vinegar. Never use that clear stuff that comes in a plastic bottle. That's only good for douches and cleaning the table off with. Real pasta recipes are insanely simple Bring water to a hard rolling boil. Add the pasta to the water and LEAVE THE HEAT ON AS HIGH AS IT WILL GO! If you lower the temperature ANY during boiling the pasta will stick. Vermicelli takes exactly 6 minutes too cook. When it doubt, pasta is ready when one piece, thrown against the wall, sticks solidly without falling off. After 6 minutes, strain the Vermicelli. Do not rinse it off. Use a wire strainer or one of those colliander things. If you want to use garlic in your pasta, towel out the pot you boiled the pasta in, and return it to the stove without heat (if you're using electric) or on low (if you've got a gas stove). Pour some olive oil covering the bottom of the pan, and dump in a bunch of smashed garlic. Stir and let it cook without burning for a very short amount of time, maybe no more than a minute. Put the pasta in a large bowl. Pour the garlic and oil, or just regular olive oil over the top of it. Add oregano (a little) parsley (tons) and some pepper maybe. Stir it up and add more olive oil if necessary. It should be real oily and wet but not soupy at all. For extra kick, stir in some balsamic vinegar but only as an experiment. I love it but some people don't. Mix with a fork throughly. Add Parmesean cheese LAST because it makes things clump together. Just sprinkle it on top and don't worry about mixing it into the pasta like the other stuff. Adding chopped tomatoes makes it look totally beautiful too. Serve with red wine, kool aid, or other red juice. And make a lot of pasta, people tend to eat tons of the stuff. It's a late night favorite in Italy after a night on the town or after the opera. Serve this type of Pasta with an Italian Salad, French bread, and butterflied Filet Mignon's brushed with wortershire sauce for a 4 star meal. þþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþþ I hope you enjoyed issue four of CYBER_PHUCK Magazine. If you have questions, comments, suggestions, contributions -monitary or literary- send 'em to the head chef at tline@iglou.com or call the Cyber BBS at 513-863-0447. Tom Line Head Chef Damage Inc Ohio tline@iglou.com cyber bbs 513-863-0447 USA