/-------------------------------------\ | The Stoner's Hymnal | | by: Buckaroo Banzai | | | | Edited by: Count Nibble | | | | Call Mines of Moria | | 120 Megs / Adventure / BBS | | (713) 871-8577 (3 ports!) | \-------------------------------------/ ---------------------- Foreword by C.L.Nibble ---------------------- All I did was edit a whole bunch of little files into one big file, put C/Rs where needed to bring the line length down around 40 columns, and add those Freak Bros. quotes in the section on 'Shrooms. All the rest of the info is exactly as originally presented. Just saving everyone a little disk space. Enjoy . . . /\/oo\/\ ------------ Introduction ------------ ok.. i know these are kinda small.. just something i wanted to do... i did it in about 4 hours... anyway.. it is 5:00 am ... i ve been workin since 1:00 damn.. bus comes in 1 hr & 1/2... fuck school then. well.. now i have time to upload it when i get up around 9 (am) or 10 who knows goodnight. buckaroo banzai... one tired mo-fo Feb 20, 5:11 am /s ------------------------------ Part 1: The Real Stoners Guide ------------------------------ Real stoners know the difference between 1 1/2 papers and 1 1/4. Real stoners often hang out with real phreaks, and real philewriters, and real pirates. Real stoners often are real phreaks, real philewriters, and real pirates. Real stoners always use Zig-Zag papers (if there are none, then they use Job or Joker) Real stoners are never available at home on a Friday or Saturday night. Real stoners never act like real geeks, real losers, or the like. Real stoners know that you can't buy weed on Sunday night. Real stoners know what a real bong is and have seen, made or.used one. Real stoners don't use thier pipes to smoke pipe tobacco. Real stoners would never smoke menthol cigarettes. (Real stoners smoke Marlboro Reds) Real stoners never use matches. They have real lighters. Real stoners laugh when some kid is pretending to be a real stoner. (They can tell because real stoners know how to inhale, french inhale, and optionally blow smoke rings.) Real stoners don't need to read this phile, because they are real stoners. Real stoners like to use spray paint cans on thier Un-Real school. Real stoners don't really give a shit. Real stoners can roll a joint. Real stoners own a real pipe. (whether it is bought, ripped off, or homemade) Real stoners also own a real roach clip. --------------------------- Part 2: How To Roll A Joint --------------------------- First off... you need some rolling papers, I recommend Zig-Zag 1 1/2. (the orange pack) Now all you need is some weed, a wet tounge, and some skillfull fingers. (yeah... I'm stalling for time.) ok... take out 1 rolling paper. (1 1/2) here's how it should look: ___________________ | : | | : | | : | | : | | : | | : | |_________:_________| |_________:_________| <-gummed strip ^ | crease ok.. fold it to look like this: ___________________ | : | |---------:---------| <-new | : | creases |---------:---------| <--/ | : | | : | |_________:_________| |_________:_________| <-gummed edge ^ | straightened out crease now, add the weed as follows: ___________________ > | : | <- flap a |---------:---------| |xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx | <- weed |---------:---------| | : | | : | |_________:_________| |_________:_________| fold flap a over the weed, trapping it in, (the little space is the end that you put your mouth on, call it area b) now roll down to the end, and lick the gummed edge, like an envelope. Now seal it. Here's what it looks like now: _____________ O__________|__| <- Area B Now fold area B's lower right hand corner up to look like this: _____________ O____________/ Now don't make area b really tight, or you won't be able to get a good hit, but not so loose that the tobacco comes flying into your mouth. Have fun... (thanks to me huh?) ---------------------------- Part 3: How To Smoke A Joint ? ---------------------------- First off.. you need a joint. Ok.. now , you need a fire. any kind will do, lighter, match, fireplace, blowtorch, flamethrower, a burning building... etc... ok... now light and take a drag, don't inhale, now swallow it, and repeat this procedure intill you can't hold it no more.. (about 7-9 of them) now, you can inhale , now that you have been doing it the other way.. i like to french inhale, it is alot eaiser to do because once you inhale it, it is there for good, and you can keep all the smoke in your mouth, and breath through your nose.. then continue. but anyway, for the next couple of hours you will have a garunteed, or your money back, blast. ----------------------------------- Part 4: How To Have Fun While Fried ----------------------------------- here are some good suggestions, they have been personally tested by me to insure safeness. Go over to Photon with a few friends who are also fried. Play goonies on your computer. print out some of those anarchy things on terrorizing the nieghbor- hood and go test em out. play pole position on the freeway. get sum pussy. read a book.. (trips your brain, i was reading dune) (^^^ i REALLY tripped.) it makes you feel like you are actually there. play bicycle football.. really funny if your watching, but it hurts like hell playing. cruiz around. go to astroworld (i have'nt tried this one, but i am sure it would be great.) if i have'nt typed it, it ain't worth doing... (execpt for a few things) like gettin even more wasted. ------------------------------------ Part 5: What To Do With your Roaches ------------------------------------ Roaches are the part of a joint that you can't smoke because it is to hot for your fingers. I like to eat the roaches. It will get you stoned awile after you eat it.. it has to have time to get the THC to your brain. use a roach clip. (something like tweezers, an alligator clip,etc, used to hold the joint so you don't burn your fingers) I take my roaches and drop them in my pipe, when it has like 10-12 roaches in there, I tamp it, and smoke.. Save it up and make tea. take the unused portion out of the paper, and put it back in your zip- lock baggie full of weed. whadda mean you don't use a ziplock baggie, do you want stale weed or what? ---------------------------- Part 6: How To Make Weed Tea ---------------------------- ok.. take a lipton tea bag, and open it up and trash the tea.. pour in your weed, tape or staple the bag back together, and just act as is you were making ice tea or sun tea, or hot spice tea. i like it hot with sugar ---------------------------------- Part 7: Related Subjects: 'Shrooms ---------------------------------- "The way to identify them is if the stems turn blue after you break them . . ." -Phineas "I don't trust anything that grows out of cow flop! I don't trust anything that doesn't come in a nice clean gelatin capsule!" -Fat Freddy ok... do you live near a cow pasture? or have access to one? ok.. get some rubber gloves and closepins. ok.. closepin your nose, and climb over the barbed wire fence. ok.. go around looking under and inside of cow patties (sounds fun so far eh?) ok.. look for little green mushrooms.. a friend of mine found a big one about 6 inches diameter.. ok.. take them home and wash em off.. now you have shrooms! wow! now boys and girls, what chemical is in shrooms? thats right, lsd. squeeze the liquid out onto a sheet, and then take one of those hole punchers with the little blue holders so the paper holes don't fly away and make a mess. now take the hole puncher and punch out all of the paper... (make sure the paper has been sitting for around an hour before punching) , now empty those out into a ziplock baggie and take it to school.. effects last for about 6 hours. I got away with selling them for 50 cents each... sold 'em to little 6th graders, and 7th graders that think they are "REAL STONERS", although i am sure none of them have a pipe, know how to inhale or have even ever seen weed. but anyway... the drug doggie passed it by.. ok... now for the fun, you can blackmail them, (threaten to tell thier mommie, or the principal) , and if they say, well, I'm gonna tell you sold it to me! then just tell him about the part how you got it from a cowfield, and i assure you, although you will have no more customers, that the kids are not about to tell anyone they had something that was under shit in their mouth. heheh... (don't tell them that you thouroghly washed, or that it is only the juice, not the thing it self.) -------------------------------------- Part 8: Related Subjects: 'Shroom Soup -------------------------------------- now you have shrooms! now boil them, and slice them up, and put them into like a chicken noodle soup or something... the affects last for about 12-24 hrs. a real blast. sell this one too. give a few spoonfuls to friends, or get them to help with the whole process, and they can have a few gallons. /-------------------------------------\ | Call Terrapin Station 505/865-0883 | | pw:CICADA / 300/1200 / up 24hrs | | Sysop: Count Lazlo Nibble /\/oo\/\ | \-------------------------------------/ X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven & the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699 The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674 Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560 "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X